Workloads.

If I haven't said it before, I'll say it again: I live a lot of my life in theory.

"I could do this project and it'll turn out like so."

"I could do that thing and this will be the outcome."

"I could do another idea and it'll look like this."

In theory, everything is perfect.  I like to think that I'm good at stuff, so a perfect outcome is the best thing I could have.  So why move from the safe theory of perfection and dare risk doing something that looks stupid?

But as well as this frozen-in-time, always-imagining, in-my-head life that binds me so infuriatingly, I also have a completely opposite alter ego that emerges at ridiculous times.

Sometimes, this alter ego is a huge help - the other day, I got a burst of inspiration.  I fixed up Kid 1's chest of drawers and changed a light bulb.  10 minutes.  Not a big deal.  No reason at all to have kept one of his drawers broken for a few months.

But for those few months, what I could do to fix it up was perfect.  Actually doing it helped me realise that I probably have a lot going on that I can do very readily and fairly easily.  All it was was replacing a few screws here, undoing and re-tightening some connections there.  Boom.  Good as new; functioning drawers.

The other day I started putting a table together in my mancave out of some bits of wood that we have in our den.  The day moved on, and now I have half a table in my mancave.  It doesn't hold anything, rather, I have things holding it up.  And they'll be there a while as long as this state of inner-thought perfection remains.  Because I can see what it's like and I know what I want it to be like.  Which is perfect.

I wrote out the manifesto of the Cult of Done in my sketchbook a while ago, and I plan to do the same in every sketchbook from here on out.  Here are some of the points that have been helping me lately:

- Pretending you know what you're doing is almost the same as knowing what you're doing, so just accept that you know what you're doing, even if you don't, and do it.

- The point of being done is not to finish, but to get other things done.

- Once you're done, you can throw it away.

- Failure counts as done. So do mistakes.

- Laugh at perfection.  It's boring and keeps you from being done.

That last one more pertinent than the others right now, I guess.

I watch a lot of YouTube videos by very creative people.  Craftsmen, cameramen and photo- and videographers, adventurers, travellers, scientists.

I listen to a lot of podcasts by very creative people.  Gaming, science and medicine, comedy, church sermons.

I have a lot of input and I simply must find an outlet.  If it's something small that I can work on in work, all the better.  Something to satisfy, at least, the feeling of hunger that lack of creativity starts to bring.

It's a weight.  A big weight of frustration.

Like many others, I wish that there were more hours in the day.  But we're all on the same timeline and it's up to me to choose how to use these hours to the best of my ability.

All of this to say that I have some more ideas that I want to work on and I've made them small and easy enough to replicate to do at my work desk...

We'll see how they go...

Peace.